


She Loosens His Tie

by twtd



Series: Détente [4]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-02-12
Updated: 2009-02-12
Packaged: 2017-10-02 14:09:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twtd/pseuds/twtd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She loosened his tie, smiling back at him awkwardly though they had done this before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	She Loosens His Tie

She loosened his tie, smiling back at him awkwardly though they had done this before. The silk wasn't as stiff under her fingers as she thought it should be but after hours of tugging it down, then re-tightening it, then pulling it off again she couldn't blame the tie if it simply chose to give up. She could feel the stripes woven into the fabric, the little ridges distinct under her fingers.

 

"If you're looking for the bug, it's hidden in the third button of my shirt." Will looked different without his glasses on, more tired, more world weary. Kate's smile turned tight.

 

"You know, maybe this isn't the best idea." Her hands were on his chest now, poised to push him away.

 

"See, I have to disagree with you on that. I think this is a _great_ idea." He kissed her with feigned familiarity and she could tell that he was as nervous as she was because he almost missed her lips entirely. But she leaned into the kiss, brushing her tongue against his lips as she slid her arms around his neck. She tried to lose herself in it, to let the feeling take over the rational part of her brain, but she had been trained to resist temptations far more insidious. Will still kissed like a teenager, a very smart, very geeky teenager, overeager and slightly desperate. And nothing at all like the last person she had kissed.

 

 

Women kissed differently than men. It wasn't something that she could quantify. It wasn't something that she _wanted_ to quantify. CJ's kisses had been just as eager but beyond that there was no similarity and Kate felt guilty for comparing the two. She tried to put it out of her mind as Will's hands touched the skin at her waist.

 

"Will..." She rested her forehead against his and tried to ignore the feeling of calluses against her back, writing something that she couldn't decipher.

 

"Kate." There was a surety in his eyes that his body lacked. She toyed with the hair at the nape of his neck, too short to trail over her stomach or thighs.

 

"We shouldn't." She didn't move away.

 

"We should." It wasn't his most eloquent argument but his tie was now sitting on her coffee table.

 

"You're moving to Oregon." And CJ was in California, with Danny, getting ready to fly to Africa and save the world.

 

"It could be worse. It could be Hawaii. Or Brussels. There's nothing to do in Brussels." Kate tried not to laugh but somehow Will always managed to make her smile.

 

"I could probably get a job in Brussels." That wasn't exactly what she meant. Whatever this was, it wasn't _that_. It wasn't moving across the country or across the world or even across the street. This wasn't a cliff they could jump off together.

 

She kissed him, strongly, impulsively, erasing her words from the air between them. Even if she wanted to go to Oregon, there wasn't anything for her there but him and she couldn't sacrifice herself for that. She had made too many sacrifices already, the kind that he could never know about. He joked about listening devices in buttonholes but she had been there, minuscule microphone sandwiched between layers of fabric and casually tossed aside as the night progressed, sometimes more willingly than others. Just because she didn't do that anymore didn't mean that the instincts weren't still there, the mmmm, that was wonderfuls and the false I love yous and the subtle questioning afterwards to take advantage of any post-coital haze when barriers were down and trust easily given. He was a smart guy but he hadn't guessed at that yet. She didn't want him to.

 

CJ knew about some of it, had read the files and reports, knowing enough to see through the blacked out lines, knowing enough to question the truthfulness of her touch.

 

Kate pulled away again, ending the kiss but clinging to Will's arms. He was breathing heavily and his lips were swollen.

 

"That was, um, wow." If he were still wearing his glasses, he would have straightened them. She smiled a well practiced smile, then tried to cover it up.

 

Will wouldn't know about those barriers, those files. He wouldn't know that privacy was a recently acquired luxury and one that she still didn't entirely trust. He could understand the uniform that still hung in the back of her closet. He had one of his own, but his military and hers were two different worlds. If she had screwed up, no amount of legal assistance would have saved her. His uniform was easily shed; hers was tattooed under her skin. And if she went with him to Oregon, he would find out. He would find out and he would stop kissing her like a teenager, trying to be the man that she didn't need him to be because that was the kind of man that he was. He would try to make her forget and she didn't want to forget. They were her memories and her actions and whether or not they were painful, she was proud of them.

 

But for tonight, she could let him be awkward, and she would be awkward in turn, because she didn't know how to do this as herself anymore and she might as well be a teenager too. She tucked her toes under the arches of his feet and pulled his arms around her.

 

"Wow, huh?" The corners of her eyes quirked up genuinely this time.

 

"Yeah. Wow." This time, when he kissed her, she didn't stop him.


End file.
